?

Log in

No account? Create an account
As I thinketh, so am I. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
butterflah1

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Growing up... [Dec. 9th, 2004|10:51 am]
butterflah1
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

As I was driving home last night, I was reflecting back on my childhood, youthful naivety where things then seem so tough, so hard, so complicated. I was thinking about my parents and instead of falling in my profoundly based jealousy, justified anger and bitter resentment, remembering the yelling, the punishment, being sent to my room, ignored, unloved and uncared for and how much more privileged my younger siblings were compared to me, something amazing started happening... As I grow older, I am beginning to understand how it would be to be a parent of my own, I realized that I now have the tools to appreciate where my parents were coming from. No longer am I bitter at the fact that I treated unfairly but instead, I have let go of that anger and started realizing just how much time my mom spent guiding me patiently through my homework, every night, how she asked me questions instead of telling me how to do it, how she would drop everything when I'd get a scratch or a cut from falling off my bike and attended to me with tender, loving, care. I remember her cutting squares out of material and making me homemade bandages just like you'd see in hospitals. She would make us hot chocolate when we were playing outside in minus 30 degree weather. Even during winter, she would often pull up her boots and her ski suit, walk out, pile us three kids on this toboggan and she would pull us up the long hill, until we would reach the top and then push us down. We would all be giggling because the speed would have made us loose balance and one of us would inevitably stick a foot out and send us all tumbling in the snow... she would do this several times and have enough energy to make us all a warm supper. At night, she would kneel with me beside my bed every night to say a prayer, teaching me how important it is to be grateful for all we have.
My mother, my pillar, my inspiration, taught me how important it is to be in touch with your emotions, how to express them. My father was a strong man and when he said NO to me, I knew there would be no negotiating, no asking twice and no pouting. He taught me to never, ever let anyone tell you who you should be or how you should be. Believing in yourself was his motto.

I have once and for all left that anger behind and recognize that my parents did more for me, than most parents out there. They gave me solid rules, they taught me manners, respect, they taught me that things do not come on a silver platter, I had to work for them.
Amazing how your perspective changes as you get older...
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Jun. 10th, 2004|03:04 pm]
butterflah1




Which VW Are You?

by Auto Glass America
link1 comment|post comment

Trying something... [Mar. 11th, 2004|02:56 pm]
butterflah1
What does this show?

CUTEcrazy
You are... CUTEcrazy. Get the hell out of my face.


Fucked up, any?
brought to you by Quizilla
link1 comment|post comment

Spring Butterfly! [Mar. 11th, 2004|01:41 pm]
butterflah1
[music |Feel like making love to you!]

Wow, is it EVER spring time :-)
The birds are singing, the trees are whispering challenging words words to each other about who's gonna pop the leaves first, "Psst, whenever that squirrel come back in and blocks your holes with his nuts, blow all the air you have and maybe your buds will start coming out, Hahaha!" and the rabbits? OOooh they are busy making love so we can have those chocolate eggs for easter :-)

I just had lunch with the love of my life. I am really amazed at how far we have come along. In my experience, I have never gone this far in a relationship. Even though we don't live together, we have connected on a level I have never been at before. It's more than dating, it's more than liking a person, it's more than lust... it's a mix of all that and add the numbing of my toes whenever he kisses me...

THIS post I shall keep referring too whenever I'm PMSing and analyzing stupid little things, convincing myself that he doesn't love me. He loves me and I am in love :-)

Watch out it's Spring Time baby :-)
link1 comment|post comment

Oops! [Mar. 10th, 2004|09:17 am]
butterflah1
I wanted to apologize for deleting my entry on Monday. When I looked at it, I thought it was ridiculous and felt ashamed so I deleted it. Self-pity is ambarrassing!!
I'm much better now. My best friend was there for me through it all. I am so thankful to have her in my life. And I am the luckiest girl in the world to be living with her.
She is my best friend, my soulmate. When I don't understand what's going on in my head, she is there to make sense of it all.

Addey, I love you :-)
link3 comments|post comment

Friday! [Mar. 5th, 2004|03:36 pm]
butterflah1
So glad it's friday. I don't really have big plans this weekend... well, none that I can mention here ;-)

I have been drinking water like CRAAAAzy today!! I'm just so thirsty!

Have a great weekend!!
linkpost comment

Searching for a miracle cure... [Mar. 4th, 2004|03:37 pm]
butterflah1
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |Le feu sauvage de l'amour Ooh Ooh... OOh ooh!]

I am seeing my bf this weekend, had a kinky weekend all planned out then BAM.. a freaking cold sore carefully appears 2 days before the weekend. What a drag. I have GOT to get rid of it before tomorrow night!
He's never had one, and they are highly contagious (caused by the simple herpes virus) so, of course, I dont' want to give it to him, in all sense of the word. Once you have it in your body, it's there to stay for life and will keep on threatening to come back!

Anybody got a miracle cure???
link2 comments|post comment

An Inspiration [Mar. 3rd, 2004|02:36 pm]
butterflah1
[mood |energeticenergetic]

THERE'S a HOLE in my SIDEWALK
An Autobiography in Five Chapters

by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault!
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit...but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down a different street.
link3 comments|post comment

Ash Wednesday - What are YOU giving up for LENT? [Feb. 25th, 2004|01:55 pm]
butterflah1
[mood |amusedamused]

Chocolate, which I am eating right now, is what I am giving up for 40 days. Did it last year! Crazy? Maybe, but when you put a piece of melting chocolate on your tongue after not having any for 40 days, it is worth it :-)
link3 comments|post comment

C'est Vendredi!!!!! [Feb. 20th, 2004|11:15 am]
butterflah1
[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |We belong together - Pat Benetar]

Yes, it's finally Friday! I cannot wait to get out of here, go home and get the weekend started!! Gonna strap my skies on and go skiing. Wondering how maritimers are coping with this weather. Sending all my best to them!! FRESH SNOW!!!!!!!!!
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]